ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
