Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
