Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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