one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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