Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
