Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
