I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
