if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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