I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
