6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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