I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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