it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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