what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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