If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
