good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My cat gives me a boner
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize