Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
