We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
