from now on my penis is your penis
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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