I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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