i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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