i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
