Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
