I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
