do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
