Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
