Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
