thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
