Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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