I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
