Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
