Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
