capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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