guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize