I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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