K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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