my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize