can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
