i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
