I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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