Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize