I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
