think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
