So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
