tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
