my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Even my vagina gasped.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
