...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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