Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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