my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize