Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
