3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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