I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize