remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize