mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize