i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
