Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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