Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
