just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im part way to drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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