I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
