Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
