Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
