What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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