Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
