There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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